The Chained Mama Bear!

So as we all know motherhood is a dicey thing, it brings out some of our emotions that we did not even know existed in us, like the fiery mama bear whom we try hard to keep chained so that you do not just pounce on someone, you wake up 15 times at night for 3 months on a row and still act sane, multitask ( I think I really don't have to give examples here). So after all this efforts from our end there are these moments when a couple of questions that really make me question the sanity of the person asking me those. So here are a couple of phrases and questions i have been hearing the past 11 months with the answers I wish I could just smash on their faces right then but then we are social animals you see.

Well wisher: Why is your baby crying??
Me : Won't it be better if you can ask him personally?

Well wisher: Your baby looks just (or rather ONLY) like his father!!! He in fact sleeps, eats, smiles, stands, sits like his father.
Me: Oh yes! We forgot to tell you that my genes were not involved in his production, I was just the child bearer.

Well wisher: Your baby is hungry, feed him!! Your baby is sleepy, put him to sleep!!!
Me: This really makes me let loose the mama bear as I cannot stand someone acting like they know my baby better than me.

Well wisher: So when are you planning to resume work?
Me: Do I really look like I'm jobless now?!

Well wisher: Oh my God! Baby had such a nice long nose like his dad when he was born, you should have massaged it regularly, see how shapeless it has become now!

Me: *Facepalm*

Well wisher: You should start sending your baby to nursery soon or else he wouldn't learn sharing, caring, talking, social skills.
Me: I can bet that the initial 2-2.5 years I can teach him better values in life than a nursery where he's one among many kids, My baby loves meeting people, co plays with kids, even knows sharing, probably much more than you.

Well wisher to my baby: See Papa and Mama are eating all tasty stuff and giving you all these..such a pity!
Me: You have no clue how much time I spend altering recipes in my mind so that I would satisfy his taste buds. He eats chicken, fish, walnuts, dates on a regular basis or rather you name it he has had a taste of whatever we eat except all the not-so-healthy stuff. So please stay away from his eating habits, we are spending enough time and effort on it!

Well wisher: Your baby is so calm and happy all the time, it would be so easy for you to look after him.
Me: Yes, he's always nice to strangers only we get to see his dark side.